Update on my mom.

I've debated with myself for a few days now, whether or not to share with the world how my mom has been doing. I go back and forth... I argue that it's nobody's business and then I argue back that she's touched a lot of lives, and people want to know how she's doing. I won't post intimate, gritty details, because even in the final moments of her life, she is entitled to her dignity (which cancer is determined to strip from her). This is also my form of a journal, and it would be unfair to my future self to strike these feelings from the record.

I know some of you must be curious, and I want you to know that it's okay to ask me how she's doing. It's not a subject that I feel we need to tiptoe around. Maybe some of my family members would disagree, but for me it's okay. So if you want to ask - please do. I don't have an awful lot of experience with loss or tragedy, but my heart always goes out to those going through it and I always feel so helpless to help.

So. It all happened quite quickly. She was great at Ben's birthday and a little more tired, a little more run down the next weekend for Christmas. Still had her spunk, but some of her medicines weren't working as effectively and she was feeling it. Two days after Christmas, her doctor decided to admit her and try to figure out what was wrong. They never were (as far as I know anyway) able to pinpoint exactly why her body was reacting the way it was. She's quite low on platelet's (those are the parts of the blood that help coagulate your blood) and no amount of transfusions seemed to help. Last Tuesday, the 4th, she was sent home. She's receiving hospice care and is relatively pain free. Because of the amount of drugs she's taking, she mostly sleeps.

It's hard. But you take it day by day and every day I make peace with it. I cry a lot, which helps. It helps to get the sorrow out and then dry my face and make peace with it again. I also have a very active little boy who keeps me on my toes and keeps me laughing. Oh yeah and Nick helps too. HA HA No, seriously, he's been a tremendous support. I know it can't be easy on him, either, because he's known my mom since he was like 15. That's almost half his life.

So that's the update. We just take it day by day...