Sunday, April 10, 2011


This is a subject that's been weighing on my mind for awhile and something I've been thinking about posting about... I'm struggling with the concept of friendship right now. More specifically, how one makes and keeps friends. This is something I've struggled with really all my life, but I've never felt it more than I have since we moved to Idaho.

As a kid, we moved often so I was constantly making new friends - you'd think I'd be an expert in the subject... the difference was in the military & overseas, you're going to school with kids that have all been "the new kid" at some point. They all know what you're going through and they're far more accepting. At least they were at the grade school level. There was ALWAYS some body to play with. Then we moved back to the states and we moved to small town Idaho where all the kids there had been friends since they were in the womb and they weren't as accepting. They weren't as welcoming. They didn't understand or tolerate different. I adjusted. I found friends and I still talk to several of them to this day.

As an adult, I've found I made friends mostly at work or through Nick's co-workers. I made some really fabulous friends at my job in Washington and even though Ashley and I don't talk much any more, I know if I were to pick up the phone and call her right now, it would be like we just saw each other on Friday at work. I chat with Crystal on FB fairly often and we're actually much better friends now than we were when we worked together (oh my how we clashed...).

Then I moved again - back to small time Idaho. I got a job for an extremely small office and the making of friends became so much harder. We found a few friendships through Nick's work but most of those didn't seem to last very long. I'm not sure what happened - not enough common ground when jobs changed, a difference in personality - I don't know, but we all sort of drifted a part.

I thought for sure once I had a kid, that this world of friendships would open up to me. I'd be surrounded by other moms and sort of let in to the club. As it turns out, I only feel more isolated than I did before. I have almost zero adult interaction other than Nick and I struggle to find a place for myself in a town that's again, all been friends since the womb and/or very entrenched in church life. We aren't church-goers and it seems that those in the popular church here aren't interested unless you belong & it's hard to wedge yourself in to a group of women that have all known each other for ages and ages.

I'm not desperate for friends and I'm not going to force myself in to friendships that feel fake or where I just don't feel welcomed. I'm not looking to be included in things for the sake of being included - I want to develop friendships that are real and meaningful. I'd like a group of girlfriends. I'd like to have a "girls day" and go shopping or get pedicures or go see a movie. Sadly for me (and MAN is this a whopper of a pity party right now or what...), I'd have to travel to see my girlfriends for a girl day.

I'm not trying to post this is a "cry for help" or anything like that - I'm just well, rambling I guess. Gettin' it off my chest. I've asked a few other friends how they make friends and they both gave me pretty much the same answer. They don't know either. Work, they agreed. Seems like most of their friends are through work.

Oh well. The problem most likely lies within my self. I'm not very assertive (I can be when I need to be but I'd rather not be if I don't have to be ha ha). I'm quiet and I stand back and get a lay of the land and I've been told that I come off as bitchy or cold (which, again, I suppose I can be but I hope I'm not like that most of the time!). Is it because I'm overweight? Because I have straggly hair? I don't dress in the coolest of fashions or carry a trendy bag (anymore)? Because I have a really loud laugh? Because I'm kind of opinionated?

Geez, I guess this came off more whiny and tantrum-y than I meant. I really didn't intend this to be a "woe is me" post - I'm honestly just curious about how you make friends. Any advice? Can't promise I'll take it, but I'd love to hear how every one else does it!

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