Heartache.

I know I'm not alone in being absolutely heartsick at the events that happened at Sandy Hook on Friday morning.  I cried several times Friday night and as I sang lullabies to my two little boys, snugged in big brothers bed, I couldn't stop the tears.  Ben asked me "you sad, mommy?" and I had to be honest and tell him I was a little bit.  When he asked me why, I told him I was just so very thankful for all I had.

We take a lot for granted in our lives.  We all assume there's going to be a tomorrow.  And you know, I think that's good.  I certainly wouldn't want to live like every day could be my last.  That sounds exhausting.  But I don't want to ever forget to tell my guys I love them.  And when I start to get frustrated because my nearly 3 year old clamps his lips tight so I can't get the toothbrush in and insists on swallowing that mouthful of toothpaste, instead of spitting it in the sink - I want to gently remind myself that he's just a little boy and there are so many parents out there that would gladly take a night time tooth brushing battle over the absence of their child.

I can't imagine how those parents feel.  I can't imagine hearing there's been a shooting at the school and racing down to gather my child close, breathe in the sweet smell from the top of their head and cry blissful tears of relief... only to not have that child greet you.  My heart breaks even thinking it.

I want to raise my boys with open minds and open hearts.
I hope my kids know it's okay to be different.
I hope my kids can be okay with not being cool, if it means they're still alive.
I hope they stand up for what's right and are mostly kind (because, let's be real: we're human, we're not kind all the time).
Saying 'please', 'thank you', 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' are important phrases in our home.
Being respectful, even if we disagree.

And from my humble little slice of the internet, may the souls of those little babes and their brave teachers be at peace.  May their family find some measure of comfort in knowing the world mourns with them.  And may those lucky enough to still have our children, gather them close and show them they're loved.