Wednesday, September 28, 2011


Do you ever feel discouraged?
Like the world is closing in around you and you don't know how to dig out?
I've been feeling that way a lot recently.

I'm not depressed (I don't think) but I'm not exactly happy either.
These are the thoughts running through my head at any given moment:
I can't seem to keep on top of my housework... my laundry... myself.
I can't seem to find the patience needed for Ben
I'm not crafty enough.
I don't have enough friends.
I don't do enough
I do too much

I just... some times I just want to throw my hands up and say "I can't take this anymore".

There's never enough money.
Something else is going wrong.
Ben is throwing another fit.
I lost my temper again and spoke too harshly.
I'm not getting enough sleep.
I don't have enough "me" time (and then again, some times I feel like I take too much "me" time).
I'm not creative (I have to steal all my ideas).
I'm a terrible housekeeper unless some one is coming over.

I'm lazy.
I'm a procrastinator.
I can't find balance.

That's my biggest struggle this year: finding balance.
Every time I think I might be getting on the right track, something else happens that makes me lose that focus.

I long for balance. Not perfection, just balance.
A happy medium.
My house to be reasonably clean, my mommy time to be reasonably spread out, my alone time with Nick to be spent well and it's quality time, my finances to be comfortable.

Instead, we overindulge, put on blinders to the world and again and again are slapped in the face with reality.

When will this stop?

I know the answer. When I make it stop.
What will make me make a change?

I have no idea.

1 comment:

  1. It is SO hard. I think every mom struggles with this. I think it's cyclical. I'll have periods of my life where I think "hey! I'm finally getting the hang of this being a mommy thing!" and then all of a sudden something throws a wrench in everything and all of a sudden I feel like I can't get my shtuff together. You'll figure it out. I have faith in you. You're an awesome mommy, an awesome wife (I'm guessing - I'm pretty sure Nick would vouch for that), and an awesome friend. :)