While I often think my life is so boring or stressful or some times down right sad and depressing (having a mom with terminal cancer really isn't that great - I keep a lot of it inside, because really - I don't want to be that girl that constantly is bringing every one down with her personal traumas and honestly, I simply don't want to talk about it), some one told me recently that they're jealous of my life. Which sort of made my blink my eyes and think "really?? MY life?? WHY???"
But you know, I do have a nice life. I think we (for most of us, making generalities here) all tend to get bogged down in the tiny, stupid, irrelevant things in our life and let those consume all of our energies. I do have a blessed life (despite the fact that I feel like I've pissed off the universe in some way and I don't know how to fix it...).
I have an amazing husband. It's easy to point out his flaws (he's messy, he's forgetful, he's more polite (some times) to total strangers than he is to me, blah blah blah) but I forget to stop and be thankful for the wonderful qualities he has. He doesn't hit me. He isn't (intentionally) mean to me. He has a fantastic job that allows him to be home quite a bit and play an active role in our son's life and also affords us the ability for me to stay at home with Ben (even if it does mean I have to curb a lot of my previous frivolous spending). He's so helpful with Ben. We take turns getting up early with him so one of us gets to sleep in. He helps change diapers, he helps with middle of the night feedings. He gives me mommy time (he forgets to offer it, but is so agreeable when I say I need some). He makes me laugh like absolutely no one else. He gets me to the core and puts up with more than I think most men would. He does all of this on top of working 40 hours a week and going to school full time. It's not easy and often times I wish for school to just be over with but it'll all pay off in the long run.
I have a simply adorable child. He is so mild mannered and just a happy baby. He's healthy (6 and a half months and has never been sick - hooray us!) & happy. He's by no means perfect - he has his crabby days (today, for example) and doesn't do all the things that other babies do, but if that's the worst of our problems, I'll happily take them.
I have a pretty home. We worked hard for this house (we had some terrible credit issues in our younger days, but I like to think we learned from our lessons) but made sure we bought what we could afford. Sure, the yard isn't exactly what I'd like (but you know, you have to actually spend time and money - but mostly time - on a yard for it to shine and I detest yard work) and the inside is often messy and disorganized but it's ours. I'm in the middle of revamping our style, I think. I'm warring with myself on this. I heart, heart, HEART country clutter and I've collected quite a bit of it. But it's hard to keep clean. All those little berry wreaths and knick-knacky items collect dust that's hard to clean off (and I'm not that big of a fan of dusting, either). I really want something simple and streamlined. I don't necessarily want to get rid of my country crap but I want to pare it down and let the items I truly love stand out, rather than get lost in the jumble.
In other news, we're working on some new sleep training things with Ben. We had the Paquette's over to my parents house for the 4th and I have to say, I'm completely envious of the easy way Tiffany gets Ariana down for sleep. She just puts her down. Simple as that. If I try to lay Ben down when he's still awake but drowsy, he'd have a freaking fit. An absolute temper tantrum (I know, because I've tried a few times). I know this is my fault. I got him used to being held, rocked or nursed to sleep (or all of the above...at the same time). He's never learned to fall asleep on his own - so why would he know how to?
So tonight I started something new. Our previous bed time routine would be a bath (if it was bath night), change diaper and into jammies, say night-night to papa and nurse until he fell asleep and stopped eating. Then I'd kiss him good night, wish him sweet dreams and lay him in bed and softly creep out of his room. Tonight I fed him before the bath (which, by the way, he seems to be loving more and more - tonight after he was all washed, I just let him kick and play and screech in the tub for about 10 or 15 minutes), then jammies and I rocked him to sleep. I'll do a few nights of only rocking him to sleep before I try laying him in his crib while he's still awake.
I've been told over and over to just let him cry. It won't hurt him any and I know it won't hurt him physically. But to be honest, it just feels mean. All his little life, we've gone in to comfort and soothe him when he wakes up (now we don't rush in there at the first whimper, some times he's able to settle himself back down - so we wait a bit to see if he'll keep crying or go back to sleep) so why would he understand if suddenly we don't come any more? So I'm going to try as best I can to just soothe him with out picking him up at first and if that doesn't work, I'll pick him up and cuddle him til he's calm and put him back down. I'm going to draw on every well of patience I can find to continue that routine until he goes to sleep. I'm hoping it'll only take a few nights of repeated pick up-cuddle-lay back down attempts before he gets it. If none of those methods work, then I'll re-evaluate how I feel about the cry it out method. At some point, he needs to learn how to put himself to sleep and he'll never do it if I don't give him the chance.
He's also so incredibly close to crawling. He's gotten up on to his knees a few times and pushes himself backwards pretty well (but I don't think he intends to go backwards). He's started to do a bit of an Army crawl to get to things so I think we're pretty close to him taking off! He's babbling more and more. My favorite sound in the whole world right now is his "ba ba ba ba ba" - so cute!!!
I'm feeding him solids twice a day now. He gets his vitamin, cereal and either a serving (about 1 1/2 or 2 tablespoons) of fruit or veggie for breakfast and then cereal, a serving of fruit and a serving of veggies for dinner. I'm starting to wean him from nursing slowly. I wanted to do it 6 months and I'm proud of myself for making my goal. Nursing is HARD (at first, it gets easier). I had no idea til I started it. I'm starting to give him a bottle for one of his afternoon feedings. And I'm working with him on going longer and longer between meals. Ben is a snacker and seems to eat only long enough til he no longer feels hungry but isn't necessarily full. Then he gets hungry sooner and wants to eat more. I'm pushing him to about 2 to 3 hours between feedings now which is such a nice break from him eating every hour.
So there you go. More than you probably wanted to know about the daily life of the Casa Beesley but there it is anyway. :-p
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