Mom.

Mom,

I'm not so good at sharing my feelings. It's easier for me to make a joke or change the subject. That being said, I don't generally have the best poker face, so what I'm feeling is usually broadcast pretty loud and clear across my face. I know things are going a lot faster than we all anticipated and I thought why save these thoughts for after you're gone? I think it's better to tell people how you feel about them in the here and now, and not have (as many) regrets later. I know you've been so delighted and thrilled with your daily thank-you's from the kids that you wanted to share them with every one, so I thought why not post it on my blog for you (and anyone else you care to share this with) to see.

First and foremost, thank you. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful example of what it means to be a woman, a wife, and a mother. Thank you for teaching me that it's okay to have my own opinions, thoughts and ideas about things. Thank you for encouraging me to speak my mind (though some times I'm sure you wished I'd just shut up for a few minutes - I didn't earn the nickname motormouth for no reason!!). Thank you for always taking the time to explain the "why" of your decisions to me, and being willing to change those decisions if I could give a valid argument.

Thank you for the opportunities you gave me to visit the world. Growing up overseas was an awesome experience and it's truly shaped who I am today. It can't have been an easy choice to take your family and move away from everything familiar, and then watch your husband go off to war - having no familial support system around you. So thank you again, for showing me courage, and that doing the right thing isn't always the easiest thing.

Thank you for enduring ballet practice, Brownie meetings, late night video recordings for Spanish class, last minute projects, voice lessons, endless choir performances, and my one attempt at drama.

When I see yellow mums, I will always think of you. When I see a red sweater, I will always think of you.

I won't lie and say any of this is easy. None of it is easy. All of it is incredibly hard and heartbreaking. I don't know how to not have a mom. I'll learn and I have your lessons to guide me through it. I'm so glad you got to meet Ben and share in our joy of him. He lights up my world, and I'll be forever grateful that I got to share that light with you. I hope that by a miracle you'll get to meet any of my future children, but I know I'll have wonderful memories to share with them if that miracle doesn't happen.

And I will never, never, never let you forget Anne Frank's house. HA!

I love you, mama. :)